A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again

Dear blog,

The title is a rip-off from David Foster Wallace, an exposé on Cruises. It's not the best choice. Cancer isn't supposedly fun. However, I was reminded of the title by today's oncology experience.

I got a bone marrow biopsy today. Location: pelvis; right, rear entry. They numbed the skin and deep tissue with lidocaine, but there is no way to numb a bone. The doctor's description was that there would be pulling that would feel like pain for a minute that is not actually pain. A supposedly painless procedure. It's pain. Don't let them snow you. It felt like he was tapping a big part of my pelvis with a chisel. It was, however, a minute, and not more.

Bone marrow biopsy, while conscious, is on the list of things I never want to do again. It's a short list, getting longer with the new experiences I'm coming into with the cancer thing.

(1) I never want to do something I did, that hurt, and don't feel like sharing right now. It was a long time ago.

(2) I never want to be significantly overweight again. Ever. I'd become a drug addict before I ate to excess.

(3) I never want a doctor to stick 5 needles in my neck while conscious again. That was 1 lidocaine, 2 fine needle aspiration biopsy and 2 fine needle for flow test. The fact that none of them were diagnostic doesn't really add great positivity to my view here.

(3 1/2) (Cheers to Tychonov, I literally thought of this after writing (4)) I never want to get a bill that should be sent to insurance, call billing, call insurance, call billing, be told it's ok, get a second notice on the bill two weeks later and call billing, again. Tough luck on that, It'll probably be next month at the latest for that funzy game.

(4) I never want a bone marrow biopsy while conscious again. They said I wouldn't need one in conjunction with this cancer again. However, I know I'm at greater risk of getting this and other cancers later in life as a result of the ravages of treatment. I will probably ask to be put under if they start talking about needles in bones again.

The CT scan I got last Thursday is back. My spleen is enlarged and suspicious. The largest diameter of lymph nodes is 5.8 cm. Over 10 is what they call, if I'm not recalling incorrectly, "clumpy", and of different concern. So none of that. No nodes appeared in the pelvic scan. Some nodes in the chest were discovered, not surprising, and in the abdomen, also not very surprising. The easiest blood test in the world also came back; sedimentation rate. My rate is 97%. Bad is over 50%, some say 30%. This is not surprising given my fevers and night sweats-> indications of systemic involvement. This information taken into account, I am at least stage:
3B. If the marrow is infected (affected, I dunno), it'll be 4B, the latest and greatest.

I got straight A's though. If I pull that off on chemo this fall, I go to whatever PhD program I want. At least, I think I should be able to. I might get a port put in. That's a large vein temporary access port. That needs to be discussed more.

That's all for now. Bye bye,
Ian Hogan.