Tantzen kein mehr?

Dear blog,

The title of the sermon last Sunday at my church, MVUUF, was something of dance in spirituality. This meant that I fully intended to actually listen to the sermon that day, and even held out a thin hope that actual dancing would occur (no). The actual sermon hinged on a question attributed to shamans. The context is of people coming to the shaman with a complaint of the spirit, and they would ask, "when did you stop singing? When did you stop dancing? When did you stop laughing?" I think there may have been a fourth question in there, but the sermon focused on the question of dancing.

The minister recounted a Toni Morrison-esque, heady perfumed saga of tai chi and wild rock and roll concert dancing, at half her current age, limbs flailing against the ragged backbeat of the symbol crash. Then as time passed, and concert attending was not as frequent, and the floor space of the home became more occupied, she found herself not dancing any longer. She expressed discomfort with this question of the shamans, "when did you stop dancing?"

I approached her after, and encouraged her to dance again, and offered that you can pull the car out of the garage and dance there. Dancing is an unmatchable experience, frequently spiritual, healing, invigorating. It's also just good to move around, good for your circulation. I also encouraged another member of the congregation, and old woman, to dance to the music she said she listened to all the time. I bounced out, with my daughter, from church, both of us saying "boing boing!"

I took my daughter to story time yesterday, and as we sat, I heard a three or four year old girl say, "I am so ready to dance!" I thought to myself, 'me too!' Except, it's not really my cup of tea, the story time dances. Still, I did them. Me and one mother. Eleven mothers and one other father all sat still, mostly on their phones. When did they stop dancing, if they did at three-four?

When did you stop dancing? When did you stop singing? I hope I never do. I certainly danced and sang and laughed today. Those were the best moments of my day. Why would I stop that?

Regards,
-Ian Hogan, PhD

Doubt

Dear blog,

I am once again inspired by the happenings at my church today. I was all set and ready to lead our covenant group, in the absence of our usual leader, on Doubt. I had volunteered thinking that I was quite well qualified, being possessed of a great amount of doubt, a great number of doubts, or both. Am I working hard enough? Am I muscular enough? Have I done enough to balance out the bad things I've done? Am I going to keep this job? These sorts of things were all rolling around my head at the time, about a week ago, when I volunteered.

And then, someone (who I mentioned in the last post, and anticipate mentioning in future posts), silenced my doubts. Or, perhaps, I let them silence my doubts. Since then, I've finally been doing what my therapist, and therapist's boss (that one time, when he wasn't available...I don't care who I dump on, as long as they have the credentials) have been pushing, which is living in the moment. I have no idea what is going on next week. I guess it's Easter, maybe we'll go visit grandparents. Whatever isn't moving.

Getting a PhD, a masters, beating cancer, losing 50kg of fat, packing on 10kg of muscle, riding 100 miles, again, faster, et cetera -- you kind of have to be hard on yourself to do these things, unless you're just so fabulously talented that they just fall into your wake as you tear across the planet (not me). Recently,I decided, or noticed, that I'd been driving toward the next goal, the next bench mark, the next big accomplishment and associated buzz, for a long time, and that there were certainly plenty of hurdles, accomplishments and associated buzzes to be found ahead. But, after the PhD, the goals just sort of drift off into eternity. What next? Tenure in 5-7 years? A distinguished career award in 35 years? How long am I going to drive hard to get another thrill of achievement here?

In covenant group, where I shared these thoughts, the leader, a woman of 72 years, related that she knew a recently retired professor, who only upon retiring, gave up the long hard drive, and started to reflect on life. I'm not going to be 70+ when I change that horse. It seems, I will be 31, going on 32, and it is now. I'm muscular enough, I work hard enough, and I've done enough good for now. I'm going to take a hot shower, and drink a beer, and not so that I can feel hot and clean later, or relaxed later, but so that I can feel the warming process right now.

That's a change.

Your obedient,
Ian Hogan, PhD

Take Me To Church (Vlog)

Dear blog,

(It's the first day of Daylight Savings time, so I'm a little deprived in this. Please pay no mind.)


(I can't do those barrel turns, where your face is up to the sky. I get dizzy and stumble and scared. I'm working on it though.)

Your Obedient,
-Ian Hogan
(PhD)