Surprised by Joy

Dear Blog,

Last night I picked up a copy of Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis. It's been on my shelf for I don't even know how long, and I've never had any inclination to read it before. I was listening to Ommadawn and just reading the first paragraph of the preface, laying in bed, my being was pervaded by a sensation that I read as described in this Surprised by Joy. I threw out my arms, like those born agains at youth group to which I was brought along by a friend, decades ago. Tears streamed down my face as I sang praise into the dark of my room, alone, but definitely not alone. I didn't feel god in the room back when I was young, and thought them all rather odd. Now...

I'm still not a Christian. I don't accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I'm still Unitarian Universalist, with no particular dogma. Just seeking my own path to what some call righteousness, some call Love, some call God, and other things. This thing, the universe or all, the love, the mental glitch that somehow many do not have, to be receivers of Joy, it comes to us through men on earth. The light was shown to me by a human, who I suppose was a carrier of the holy spirit, in Christian language. Perhaps Jesus is reborn and walks the earth. Perhaps there are prophets. I don't know what's out there for anyone else, and I can barely explain what has been out there for me: that which I carry in my heart moving forward, through storm and fair weather, valley and mountain.

I don't think there is a plan. For every person who saw a sign in a dark moment, or was lifted up on high from a dark time, there have also been those who have prayed, and been crushed by villains or chance. Life isn't fair. You can't always get what you want. But if you try, sometimes, you'll get what you need.

If you want to join me in communion, raising voice in praise, send a message, and we'll set a date.

Your Obedient,
Ian Hogan, PhD